


Rumination

by fujinumasatorus



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Fate, M/M, its not addressed or a plot point but i thought id give a heads up, mentions of frequent drinking, some not explicit or detailed nsfw mentions, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 20:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujinumasatorus/pseuds/fujinumasatorus
Summary: “Think about it likes this, Yoo Kihyun.” Minhyuk leans in closer, but it doesn’t make him turn away. He leans in the same, curious about what could be added. Minhyuk’s breath already smells of the whiskey. “You’re not from here, that much I know. Neither am I. We’re foreigners in a new land. The question is why you are here of all places. Tell me, Yoo Kihyun. What are you doing?”





	Rumination

The sound of the engine cuts off. The whirling wind no longer blares in his ears, but there is lingering static. Kihyun sits at the front of the plane, but lets the other passengers exit before him. The cabin is completely empty aside from the attendants when he finally grabs his backpack by the strap and walks down the aisle.

He’s suddenly aware of the sweat that has been continuously building since he first entered the airport. It sneaks up in every crook, on his neck, down his back, even between his fingers. The grip on his carry on loosens because of it, so he slips the backpack over his shoulder instead.

He remembers little of the flight itself, even walking down the runaway feels hazy. The sun beats down on his face, blinding him as he struggles to make out the figure of the person who exited before him. Every second after purchasing his flight he’s felt removed, this same type of distance from reality. He knows he’s moving, but it all happens without a thought.

Entering the airport lobby is barely a relief from the heat, but at least the light of the sun no longer wears on his eyes.

His moves are mechanical as he washes his face in the bathroom and dries himself with a few paper towels to escape the clamminess. When he looks in the mirror, he sees the deeply set wrinkles on the sides of his lips. He runs his fingers over the skin under his eyes, sunken in and grey from not having had a good night's sleep in a week. Though the longer he thinks about it, sleep has been evading him for months. 

He finishes at luggage claim, grabs his single cream colored suit case he packed for his extended trip. He keeps a tight hold on his items as he reaches the double doors. It takes him a moment before he exits the airport.

He refuses to feel any sense of regret.

-

Yoo Kihyun unexpectedly finds himself out of his home country, with only a single luggage of possessions, after telling his two closest coworkers _“I’m going to take some time off”._ The statement shocks them more than when Hyunwoo and Hyungwon told Kihyun they had gotten together. The declaration is awkward, they fumble, but he sees how the two looked at each other and somehow it made sense.

This. This didn’t make sense.

To put it short and simply, he needed a change. His life back home was stagnant, even though he was essentially living out his dreams. He still felt unfulfilled through it all.

One afternoon when listening to a list of deadlines being announced and having nitpicky criticisms thrown in his face, he slams his notes onto his desk scaring half the office and announces he is going home for the rest of the afternoon. 

The day after he had shown up to the office to inform the company’s CEO he was taking an extended leave and if they didn’t allow it he’d quit.

He also walked out before receiving an answer, leaving the hefty man gaping in his seat. He could possibly be jobless, office emptied out with stuff thrown onto the street, but he chooses not to dwell on it, as he’s already too busy ignoring any thoughts that his decision is a mistake.

That couldn’t happen.

Not this early.

It only takes two days after his meltdown to find himself in an entirely new place. He essentially threw away all he had been working for since he was ten, given a disposable camera, and told by his parents to go outside and show them something amazing.

It needs to be worth it. 

-

Everything in the area is tight knit such that he can just walk himself into town, no need of calling a cab.

As he tracks along the sidewalk, time moves the slowest it has in awhile. Finally there is no rush of packing or incessant ringing from his phone. He’s left, he’s almost where he needs to be, and he has all the time he needs to get there. 

So what’s another pit spot before he heads to his next train? A stop at a bar. He walks into the first one he finds, takes a seat at the counter pushing his suit case between his legs on the bar stool.

Even with a drink in his hand he still feels antsy. His left leg shakes, making the wooden stool creak under the pressure. He had hoped the alcohol would calm his nerves, yet nothing. He’s all too aware of the slow clicking clock and how much he wants to move quickly despite it. 

Even the bartender seems to avoid him rather than come over and try to engage in some casual over the counter banter.

The first sips burn, but it’s what he needs. A reminder that he’s there, alive, and can feel. 

He glances to his watch. He has less than an hour before he needs to leave for check in. He wants to be calm before he has to step back in a vehicle. With half his glass gone he takes a deep inhale.

“Got somewhere to be? You keep looking at your watch like it’s going to run away.”

Kihyun glances over to the edge of the bar. He’s dressed in a button up and blazer despite the heat. Just looking at him makes Kihyun’s skin chafe. He’s already rid himself of his own blazer and undone a few buttons, and it’s still not enough to help him feel cool.

If the heat affects the other, he doesn’t show it. There’s no signs of perspiration while Kihyun can feel the sweat sit on the back of his neck. The unkempt fringe of the man’s white hair keeps falling into his eyes. He blows it away twice before giving up and brushing it back entirely with his fingers.

Kihyun stares, giving the man a once over. From messy hair to his smile that refuses to leave his face, he has absolutely no interest in getting involved. 

“My train is coming soon,” answers short and to the point. 

“And yet you’re here, having a drink,” the other continues, despite Kihyun being in no mood for trivial conversation. 

“I still have some time.”

He’ll finish his drink, alone, and leave. He fixes the man with one last glare before he turns away. Said man either purposefully doesn’t take the hint or is too dense to read his demeanor.

“Enough time to have a drink with me?”

He does have the time, but he wants to spend it without some intrusive stranger. Kihyun shakes his glass, the ice in it already melting from neglect, to say that he already has one.

“That,” he points, “is almost finished.”

The man sits in the seat directly next to him, calls over the bartender and orders two more of _whatever this guy just had. On me,_ he adds after a beat.

Maybe it’s the weariness finally unwinding or that the guy is acting like a pesky parasite which will take more effort than he wishes to expel to get rid of, as he decides he can humor him. And another free drink doesn’t sound like the worst decision he could make.

“I’m Minhyuk.”

“Yoo Kihyun,” he offers out of courtesy as their drinks are set down. Neither wait to take a sip. 

“Ah, a last name already,” he announces after swallowing and smacking his lips together.

Kihyun frowns.

“You told me your name.” 

“Given, not sur. Just a second ago you were someone so adamant on being alone, but now you’re baring your soul. To a stranger.”

He takes another sip to get through to the ramblings.

“You still know nothing about me.” 

“Ah, but what you don’t understand is the window of opportunity. Your name is a latch and I can hook on. Start to try and piece together what I can to find out what makes you who you are.”

He keeps his face blank. Kihyun’s just tipsy enough that he has to really think hard if he wants to understand what the guy’s getting at. Which is harder to do when he realizes the other has bumped him with his knee and chosen to keep it pressed against his own.

“Think about it like this, Yoo Kihyun.” Minhyuk leans in closer, but it doesn’t make him turn away. He leans in the same, curious about what could be added. The other’s breath already smells of the whiskey. “You’re not from here, that much I know. Neither am I. We’re foreigners in a new land. The question is why you are here of all places. Tell me, Yoo Kihyun. What are you doing?”

He tries not to give any reaction, because while Minhyuk is right, it’s also obvious information. He’s not at a psychic’s office getting a palm reading, not that that would be believable anyhow. Anyone could guess by his name and the literal suitcase next to him that he’s traveling. 

“Killing time until my next train,” he reiterates instead as a general reason. It’s not a lie after all.

“Is that all?” Minhyuk responds with a quirk of his lip. There’s a mix of amusement and curiosity as he speaks. Kihyun hasn’t felt this type of intrigue from someone else in any of his conversations for a while. “What brought you here? You don’t seem relaxed enough to be on vacation.”

That isn’t an easily answerable question, as he doesn’t know. Everything he’s done in the past week has been on a whim - taking leave from his job, avoiding his friends, leaving to an entirely new country with two single bags. Isn’t that what everyone else does once they’ve reached their lowest? They must completely uproot themselves from their burrows to experience new sites, new people, a new life entirely.

Though, how can he admit to reaching a point where he felt all his actions held little value. He doesn’t want to feel pathetic, but it’s there. He’s left everything behind for the time being, yet he doesn’t know what he wants from the experience. He still isn’t even sure he’s making a good decision.

“Just looking for something I guess.” 

He doesn’t mean to sound so resigned, but it comes out that way anyways.

Like that, it’s the easiest way he can put it without spiraling into an endless rant on why his view on life took a downturn.

Another comment doesn’t come like he expects, no more prodding at his life story. When he looks over, Minhyuk’s expression has changed.

“Aren’t we all,” he finally says, quieter. 

Kihyun doesn’t know this man at all, nothing other than his name, but he senses the drop. Perhaps not explicit sadness, but longing. He almost wants to comfort him, but doesn’t know how to in the time, nor will he try to dissect it.

“What are you looking for?”

It takes a beat or two for Minhyuk to open his mouth. 

“Something I’ve yet to find.”

The words aren’t defeated, but they are tired.

“So you don’t know either?”

“Nope,” Minhyuk admits, all of a sudden lively again. “But it’s not like I know what I’m supposed to be searching for anyways,” and shrugs.

“How long have you been looking?” he asks, unable to get the question out of his mind. 

“When does your train leave?”

He nearly falters at the change in subject, but collects himself. He hasn’t even been thinking about how much time has passed since Minhyuk sat down with him. He glances down at his watch.

“I should probably go in a few minutes to check in.”

“Can I walk you?”

Kihyun watches as Minhyuk’s index finger taps the glass. Every time it lands it wipes away the condensation so it leaks down to the counter.

“Why?” He frowns again, lifting his eyes back up. 

“I want to see you off on the next part of your journey.”

He tries to find all the reasons why he could say no, immediately going to the dramatic this man could just be out to kill me, but ignores all reasonable excuses to say no.

“Sure.”

Their walk is quiet, which makes Kihyun wonder even more on why Minhyuk wanted to go with him. He expects Minyhuk to start another conversation, but he doesn’t, and Kihyun doesn’t know what to say either. The only noises made are the rolling of the suitcase and the occasional passing car.

It isn’t until they reach the station doors that Minhyuk speaks. It’s nothing lengthy or remotely inspirational, just a simple goodbye and good luck before he walks back in the direction in which they came. 

-

Three weeks pass with Kihyun nowhere closer than he was when he started his journey. His nights are filled with contemplating whether or not he’s trying hard enough to seek what he needs. Whether or not it’s all worth it.

During his days he strolls the cities. He watches through distant eyes how everyone lives their lives. The locals have routines, their work the same each and everyday with no change but somehow it’s necessary. Change for them could mean something dangerous, ruin their carefully formulated schedule. He wonders if they grow bored of it.

As he walks up from the shore where graffiti covers the walls of buildings, he wonders if it’s art he needs. He could be the tortured artist who needs a canvas to convey everything in his head. It’ll all be on display. The critics will try to formulate the underlying meanings without truly acknowledging what’s on the surface. No one else may understand, but he would, and he’d finally get out what he needs to. 

Then again, a paint brush or charcoal pencil has never been his forte. It’s always been him and his camera lens. The thought of abandoning it doesn’t sit well with him no matter how much distress it has brought him.

All his attempts to find something new in general don’t sit well with him. He’s still unable to let go and be open to something new unless it somehow clicks with him immediately. As soon as he’s dissatisfied he moves on. Even on this soul searching journey, when he thinks the city won’t give him a resolution, he selects somewhere new and books a train.

The rest of the walk gives him nothing. He heads back to his hotel to pack his things and check out. There’s no disappointment or anticipation for where he’ll roam next as he collects his things. He moves one because he thinks it’s what he has to do.

With his luggage in hand, as the first day he arrived, he walks down the street to find a small bar. He hasn’t gone back to one since the afternoon his train left, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t drank. Sometimes the bottles help him close his eyes after hours of agonizing boredom.

It’s already late, he should probably settle at the station, but he’s not ready to do so. He makes himself comfortable on a plush stool, comfier than those he’s sat on before if he were to compare.

The longer the night drags on, more and more people filter out until there’s only a handful left. A gentle hum of voices fill the air. There are clinking glasses every short while. When he closes his eyes he can hear the crickets chirp from the outside. 

Everything surrounding him is relaxed, ticks by in whispered thrums. He opens his eyes again, he takes in the room. It glows in gold and red hues, dark, but warm. It could also be the alcohol filtering through him. When he looks down his drink, he finds it nearly empty. 

Needing to fill it once more, he gets ready to call the bartender again, but loses its train of thought. 

He figures he’s imagining things, because he doesn’t find what he expects. In the corner stands a familiar white head of hair. Under it this time he sports not blazer, but casual jeans and a t-shirt. The fringe is just as messy as before, every once in a while it’ll land in one eye, setting his blinks out of time. 

“Minhyuk?” his voice escapes him. 

The room is just quiet enough that his words travel far. And it is him, because he stops writing and looks up, meeting Kihyun’s gaze head on.

Two more uneven blinks and a grin spreads across his face. He’s up out of his chair in the next moment, grabbing his things, and moving towards the bar to sit right next to Kihyun. 

The picture is familiar. He flags down the bartender himself and orders them both a round.

“What are you doing here?” he speaks, still in disbelief.

“I had a train scheduled two days after you left. You know I’m somewhat of a traveler myself.”

“What are the odds?” He asks more to himself.

He has been to a total of three cities since beginning his travels, so it’s not like he’s been staying in one place waiting to be found. His train to the fourth even leaves in the next few hours. 

“Do you think I followed you all the way to another country? Just to meet up in a small bar?”

“Of course not. I didn’t even tell you where I was going.”

“And somehow here we are again. Together.” He says it with a whimsical air, clearly fascinated by the situation. “This is the second time I’m meeting you. Feels like something I shouldn’t ignore.”

“What? Like Fate?” he questions, unable to hide the skepticism in his words. He raises an eyebrow, unsure if Minhyuk can even see it in the low lighting. 

To his surprise, rather than engage in a passionate speech defending the mysteries of the unknown, Minhyuk flaps his hand and accompanies it with a shake of his head.

“Could be. Or just a coincidence. Maybe there’s nothing significant about it all. Who’s the universe to say whether or not this is some cosmically aligned event.”

The dismissal genuinely floors him. Minhyuk seems to be someone who would fawn over the concept of destiny. As a seemingly free spirit, the “go with the flow type”, he would just let things happen because they’re meant to, but still be upbeat about it all. He would naturally end up thinking there’s an inexplicable magic unknown to working the cycles of a human life. 

_Everything is how it’s supposed to be._

or

_This is happening because destiny decided it had to._

Kihyun gets how someone so bubbly could romanticize an unchangeable itinerary laid out for one’s entire life.  
For Kihyun, the concept scares him more than it should. He pondered it once, a few too many glasses of wine filtering through his system. His coworkers couldn’t quite keep up, Hyungwon with his doe eyes glazed over trying to understand the blatherings, Hyunwoo already taken by slumber, snoring every once and awhile to interrupt his thought process.

At the end of it all, the idea of people trapped on a mystically designed conveyor belt with no chance of change, no chance to step up or switch to another no matter what, is daunting.

“You look confused.”

“Huh? I don’t know.” He taps his fingers against the wooden bar looking for the words. “You seem like someone who would see it as fate. Or destiny. Something like that.”

“Do I now?” His eyebrows go up so high, Kihyun figures he’s playing a game. That this is all an act and his presumption of Minhyuk being some philosophical fanatic was actually correct. “Well, I’m not. Not that I’m denying there could be fate, but I don’t know.”

“Let’s say fate does exist, do you think this is it?”

Before Minhyuk had all of the invasive questions, now here he is wanting an answer to something no one has the answer to. The hypotheticals help, he thinks. He doesn’t actually care whether or not fate is real, he just wants to hear what Minhyuk has to say about it. 

“Now you’re out here doing some thinking. I like that.”

“I do have a mind of my own, thank you.”

He hums slow while tapping a finger against his forehead.

“That all depends on how you define fate. And I still don’t have an answer. When we lay it out, we’re both here, sure, but we were both traveling in the first place. Maybe it’s not all that strange. It could all be one big coincidence.”

The answer is lackluster, but somehow he’s not disappointed. It’s unexpected from the man he’s not had more than two conversations with. There’s certainly more to Minhyuk than his quick assumptions.

“Besides, I’m happy to see you and that’s good enough for me.”

“You’re happy? To see me?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You still don’t know me for one.”

“You, for one, called out to me in the middle of a bar. I walked over here, sat down, because I wanted to, second. We’ve done all this talking and you say we still don’t know each other.”

He has a point, sort of. They are acquaintances, possibly nearing more if this all continues. But they still haven’t gotten to that point.

“I meant like, all the little details.”

“Then let me get to know you,” he answers easily. Minhyuk has a simple response to every one of Kihyun’s excuses. “What have you been doing these past weeks?”

“The same thing as before.”

“Which is?”

“Well, I’m in a bar again for one.”

“And so am I.”

“So we’re the same then, aren’t we? Wake up and look for what we didn’t find the day before. Pretend it’s fine when we don’t, then start the next day all over again. Come to a bar to drink and forget how I didn’t succeed once again.”

He rambles before he can stop himself, frustration drenched in every word. It hasn’t been that long, but he’s feeling a little impatient that he has no resolution. 

Minhyuk gives him a look of sympathy. It’s pitiable, and must show, because one second he’s defensive and the next his spewing out all of his problems. He wants to blame the loose lips on the alcohol working its way through his system, and that’s part of it, but it’s also the need to get it out. 

Minhyuk feels like the safe space to do so. It’s a little less than a confessional and more like speaking to an objective third party who can see everything more clearly than he sees it himself. Someone trustworthy.

“Right now, in the moment. I think it’s nice,” Minhyuk says off topic.

“What? Listening to a drunkard spout his life’s problems to anyone who gives him the time of day.”

“No, letting yourself lift up your sleeve to show your heart.” He taps Kihyun’s bicep as if it’s actually there displayed for the world to see. “Besides, it isn’t like that at all, right? Or else I wouldn’t be the first one hearing all of this.”

“You don’t know that you’re the first?”

“But I am, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” he exhales.

The silence settles over them. His nerves slowly work their way back over him. That the final admission was just too much. 

“Another day of no answers then, huh?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“There there, Yoo Kihyun,” he pats at his shoulder, wide hand throwing him guard. “The answer is out there.”

“How do you know? You haven’t even found it.”

He says it without thinking, didn’t even consider how much the phrase could scrape away at the guy. He only realizes his mistake when Minhyuk’s smile falls. He recovers quickly, though. His nose twitches right before he’s smiling again, albeit smaller.

“Just a feeling. Actually I’m surprised, you seem like you would have had everything together. No mistakes can get past you type of guy. All written out and planned.”

Kihyun doesn’t flinch at the jibe, even though it hurts to think about. He runs his life by a schedule, but it got to a point where the pieces no longer felt right now matter how well they should have fit. 

Maybe Minhyuk’s assumptions are better than his own.

He had a well paying job, was praised for all of the work he did. He owns one of those expensive apartments that overlook the city, glass windows so clear you can watch the stars. His closest friends were all on equal par in their careers, attending gatherings with the elite.

It all should have fit, working like a well oiled machine, but it didn’t feel right. In everything he did inside and out, there was a schedule, an appointment, someone he had to confirm with to make sure it went through with little chance of being thrown off. 

The only thing being confirmed here are all of Minhyuk’s suspicions. 

Already such a messy morning. _Morning._ Time moves differently in a space where the products essentially remove you from reality the more you ingest. 

“Checking your watch again?”

“I actually have another train to catch,” he admits regretfully. “I should be sleeping but I couldn’t. I took my things and checked out early. My train leaves after six.”

When he looks down to his watch, it’s 3:40am. He knew it was coming, that he’d drink to get out of his mind then head to his next destination, but he hadn’t expected to meet Minhyuk again. This time, and the time before, their conversations have been so engaging. Both the longest ones he’s had since he left Seoul.

“What are the odds, I do, too,” sounding much more chipper than Kihyun. But then again, traveling doesn’t seem foreign to him at all. Kihyun doesn’t know how far he’s gone, how often he moves, but he guesses it’s enough that hopping on and leaving somewhere else is as familiar to Minhyuk as breathing. 

“You’re heading on a train?”

“Mine leaves at 5:30. Like I said, Yoo Kihyun, I’m still searching for something. It wasn’t here.” 

He says it casually, but if he focuses, there it is again - underlying dejection. Maybe it isn’t as easy as he passes it off. He doesn’t find an answer, so he tells himself that it’s okay to look in another. Optimism only goes so far until the goal becomes taxing. Minhyuk’s been searching and he’s been searching for awhile. 

Maybe Kihyun finally understands the latch.

“We’re both at a bar, at the asscrack of morning when we should be getting on trains.”

“Great minds think alike?”

“More like the damned congregate to the same somber corners.”

“Where’d you get that from? You sure you’re drunk?” Minhyuk questions, though still amused after snorting into his glass. “How many did you have before I got here?”

“I think I’m coming out of it.” He only had two other drinks before Minhyuk sat with him. “So where are you headed?” he asks, unlike last time where neither revealed their next destination. 

Minhyuk hums, long and dragged out as his finger runs around the rim of his drink. Their cups are equally empty, probably have been for over an hour. 

“Not sure I want to tell you that.”

He’s waiting for another quip to come. _Just kidding._ But it doesn’t. His face twitches with annoyance.

“What? Not even after all the bonding we’ve done over our two meetings.”

Minhyuk actually laughs at him. It comes pouring out like he’s been holding back the sound for an eternity. It’s rich and warm, his eyes crinkle together while his mouth opens wide revealing a pristine smile.

As much as Minhyuk’s laugh pleases him, he does want an answer, so Kihyun shoves at him when he can’t stand it anymore. He stops, but doesn’t drop his grin.

“I’m not going to tell you, because I’m going to test a theory.”

“And what would that be?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he teases once more.

“Minhyuk.”

The man stands, grabbing his bags before pulling his wallet out of one.

“I’m going to give fate a chance to prove itself.”

“What do you mean?”

“This has been fun, Kihyun. I got to see you not once, but twice. But we’re going our separate ways now. Also these are on me,” he pulls out a few bills and lays them on the counter.

“You’re really going to leave without telling me anything.”

“If you’ve already forgotten, that’s basically how we left each other last time.”

It’s funny, how Minhyuk feels like a friend that would joke about leaving him alone then obviously not do it. But he’s reminded, they aren’t any sort of close and trusted friends. 

“Can I walk you to the train station?” he tries. Minhyuk at least did that for him before.

He smiles again, but shakes his head from left to right.

“Bye, Yoo Kihyun.”

Feeling like he shouldn’t run after the other nor demand anything further, he watches silently as the other drags his stuff out of the door.

It takes awhile for him to leave the bar himself. The ice melts into the remaining drips of liquor. He goes without ordering another drink.

-

The time passes differently after his previous encounter with Minhyuk. The yearning settles back, no longer as demanding. He has a new found peace in simply waiting.

He still has to find what he needs, but a new piece has worked its way into the puzzle. If he’s the main character of an RPG, then he feels as if he’s stopped on a side quest with even less direction. He’ll get back eventually, but he needs to relish in the challenge.

In a sense, it’s both freeing and nerve wracking. He already has the space to do whatever he wants, but he realizes he needs to make better use of it. There is nothing but opportunity, not utilizing that would be more wasted time.

He still spends his days out, goes to the city, the coast, visits landmarks and cultural centers. Rather than a self discovering journey, he changes his mind set to being on vacation. He hopes it’ll relax him, see his affairs as more self satisfying than required. 

He tries to avoid bars. He goes to them to fill the pit of emptiness from each day of failure, he doesn’t want to think that he’s still doing so. He’s getting himself to do things and that’s what matters, taking it all as positives.

But there comes a night when he cannot avoid it. A familiar itch picks at him until he walks out of his hotel, wallet and key in hand. With a recommendation for a nearby bar from the front desk attendant, he sets out for the evening.

He sits at the counter, asks for a menu wanting to try something new rather than going for something typical and highly concentrated from the top shelf. 

He orders a drink, sweet but strong, to start off the night. He drinks it slow over the hour, wanting to savor it as much as he can before the ice dilutes it.

He locks his phone, no longer interested in searching the web. He realizes the room is near quiet, all patrons to his left and right no longer fil the counter. He doesn’t take it to mean he should go, so he stays settled in his seat.

The bar feels empty, until it isn’t.

“No suit case today, I see.”

Just the voice he wants to hear, but would never admit out loud. He turns back, the place is still near barren, but now Minhyuk fills the space. And that’s all it needs to feel whole.

“I just got here this morning. It’s all packed away in my hotel.”

“So did I.”

He doesn’t ask before taking the seat to the right of him. It’s almost where he belongs. Existing in the low light of the tavern, sat high on the plush stool. The pattern stays the same, he orders a drink for the both of them.

“I’m starting to think you did follow me.”

“Me? Follow you? Are you sure about that? You didn’t even tell me where you were going. How would I know?”

What he doesn’t know is how they’ve already picked up such a habit. Using each other’s words against them, never to be mean, just to keep a continuous bounce in their speech.

“Yet you somehow managed.”

“How do you know this is my doing?”

“How else could I explain it?”

“I’m sure there are other ways.”

A silence settles over, contemplative. Coincidences happen, maybe even to them more than the average person, but this seems to have surpassed those odds.

“Does this have anything to do with the theory you’re testing?”

Minhyuk laughs into his drink, head tilts to the side.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he says, holding his grin. “It’s just nice to know you were listening.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

Silence again. Different than the first pause. The smile has wiped from Minhyuk’s face, as has Kihyun’s. A clear slip of the tongue, something he didn’t mean to say out loud. Kihyun doesn’t know what to say, whether or not to change the subject or dwell further on the words.

“Hey, Kihyun.” Minhyuk spares him the decision. “Tonight, let’s not stay here. Would you like to get dinner or something?”

He blinks. 

“You just ordered.” He points to their drinks.

Taking the response as rejection, Minhyuk pouts. Kihyun thinks it’s cute how his bottom lip juts out from not receiving an affirmative answer. Ignoring the thoughts of wanting to kiss it back into a smile, Kihyun continues.

“So how about we finish these and you can pick us somewhere to eat.”

He squints for a second, but visibly perks back up. It brings a smile to his own face. Minhyuk downs half of his drink, needs to wipe at the corner of his mouth as some drips out.

“Excited to get out of here, are we?”

“We’re going to do something different. How could you not be excited?”

He is admittedly, he’s just not buzzing in his seat. They finish up, Minhyuk pays the tab once more even when Kihyun assures him that he’s more than well enough off to cover it. It earns him a brush of a hand after he signs off the bill.

Minhyuk either knows the area or is wandering aimlessly to find the first place that calls out to him, and Kihyun doesn’t bother to question it. They head down a cobblestone path, getting closer to the water. He can smell the salt in the air, it’s brisk, nips at his skin and nose.

When Minhyuk stops, it’s at an outdoor restaurant. The patio is covered with hundreds of sparkling lights that run over the beams and along the foliage. Waiters and waitresses alike wear white button ups with black aprons, giving the place a more formal look. 

They get seated to one of the few open tables settled in the corner. After placing their order, Kihyun for some reason can’t think of what to say next. He feels warm under the shades of yellow lighting. He wants to excuse it from the drink he had, but he knows it’s because of the change in atmosphere.

It’s different. A bar has been their commonplace aside from one, brief walk to the train station. A restaurant gives a new sort of intimacy, where expectations are held higher. He knows stupid decisions or misspoken words can’t be blamed soley on a bottle.

The longer he thinks, Minhyuk is the one to start their conversations, but he has yet to do so since they sat down. He’s glancing around the courtyard, one hand placed on the table as he rearranges his utensils then picks at his napkin.

Maybe he feels the same nervousness Kihyun does.

“Do you know where you’re going to go next?” Minhyuk startles him by breaking their silence. They’re not used to this, so he starts light, asking where he’ll go next. But in another sense, he sees it as avoiding where they are now.

He’s overthinking. Minhyuk’s trying to fill the space, while he stays restless.

“No. I usually just go when I get bored. Catch a last minute train.”

His system is impractical to some, certainly impossible to others, but he’s grateful enough to be in a position to do so.

“We do think alike, Yoo Kihyun. I go wherever my mind takes me.”

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Use my full name, Lee Minhyuk?”

To him, it just feels like they say their names too much. It’s just them, no need to constantly reintroduce themselves or call to each other.

“Rolls off the tongue nice, doesn’t it? A pretty name.”

On the other hand, he almost doesn’t want it to stop. If they did, how else would they bare their souls?

“I like hearing you say it,” he blurts without thinking.

“Maybe you should say my name more often, too.”

It feels warmer than before, not just because of a stuffy corner. Both their faces have gone pink.

“Well then, Minhyuk. What do you usually do during the day?” No doubt he has to have some interesting stories to tell. He doesn’t even need to say it, Kihyun can just see that he’s been near and far. “I already know about your evenings.”

“Makes me sound like a man of the night,” he snorts.

“If you are, you’re not doing a very good job since you’ve paid for my drinks every single time.”

“Maybe you’re the man of the night.” 

“Then are you paying for this dinner, too?”

“If it makes you happy.”

“I should have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu.” He would have never. “But really, what do you do?”

He can’t see the man as someone who would sit around and laze away. Even if he took his time to relax, he figures it would be out and not just in a hotel room.

“Depends. I could spend the day on the beach, walking through town. I like talking to people, admiring art, making my own. I try not to keep my days the same as before.”

“I did some of those things,” he offers. Maybe to sound less boring.

“We could do it together.”

The offer makes him choke on his water, but thankfully nothing spills. When he looks up from his glass, Minhyuk is avoiding his eyes, focused more on his half eaten plate. 

“What?”

Minhyuk shies away even if he's the one to have suggested it. He’s back to fiddling with the napkin.

“You’re here to stay, right? Why don’t we go do something tomorrow. We could keep each other company? Just for now, while we’re both here.”

He would have never even considered it, since they only spend their time together at the bar. But now that it’s out there, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Are you asking me on another date, Minhyuk?”

“Another?” Minhyuk’s smile spreads wide. “Is this a date?”

It’s his turn to back away. He feels the heat spread all the way up to his ears, hoping it’s not too noticeable under his hair. 

“I didn’t mean to say another. It was a mistake.”

Minhyuk doesn’t look away, he can feel the gaze beating on him. Unlike the dim bars, their expressions here are unmistakable.

“Would you have said yes if this was an invitation to a date?”

He sees the glint in his eyes, ready to ride Kihyun’s embarrassment as far as he can. And he absolutely won’t have that. He doesn’t want to give it to him. He tries to own it.

“So where are we going tomorrow?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Unless you don’t want to?”

“Of course I want to.”

The rest of their evening loses some of the continuous conversation, but they aren’t needlessly trying to fill it. Their dinner is delicious, they split the bill this time around. They finish their night when Minhyuk walks Kihyun back to his hotel and bids him goodbye until the next morning. 

-

The longest Kihyun has lasted in one city is 6 or 7 days. With Minhyuk, they stay on the coastal town for weeks. 

Everyday there is something to do, somewhere new to see that he wouldn’t even have thought to go by himself. Minhyuk takes him to all the places he hasn’t been before, making them all the more intriguing with his commentary. His travels suddenly aren’t lonely.

Three weeks with Minhyuk have been more beautiful than his last three years. They keep joking about all of their outings being dates, denying they are on occasion to see how the other will react, but they never think to go out without the other.

After the first week Minhyuk cancels his hotel room and joins Kihyun in his. They can both be ready at the same time and not waste time trying to find out where to meet he reasons.

Not just his days, but evenings are filled with a pleasant chatter from Minhyuk. He tries to engage Kihyun as much as he can without overwhelming him. But even when Minhyuk is superfluous, he never minds it. 

Then again, the later it gets, sometimes he just wants to sleep.

“Get up, let’s go.”

He’s already under the covers, but Minhyuk stands at his side and pokes at his calves.

“It’s midnight, you realize.”

“And,” Minhyuk drags out. “Do you realize we once spent hours in a bar together. After midnight.”

He sounds like a little kid getting ready to argue, then whine if they don’t get their way.

“I’m tired.”

“There’s no time for tired, an answer could be out there. And you’ll miss it for pretending that sitting in this hotel is better than being outside. Where the people are. Don’t you want to see them dancing,” he sings.

Kihyun throws a pillow at him.

“Fine,” he gives in. 

He still yawns as he changes out of his pajamas, purposefully going slow as if all waiting will somehow make Minhyuk tired too. But of course, that doesn’t happen. He just gets impatient and starts tugging at the cotton pants himself until Kihyun smacks him away and changes in the restroom.

They walk out of the room, Kihyun rubs his arms up and down when he feels the prickling, cold air. He should have grabbed a jacket, but didn’t. With no chance of Minhyuk turning back, he grumbles to himself.

“Where are we going?”

“To most cleansing place you can go in the middle of the night.”

The pair make their way to the beach, the full moon giving them all of the light they need on the path. Minhyuk insists on walking to the shore, so they go and go until Kihyun begs them to stop for a break. A few scattered, broken shells dig into his feet, nothing serious but he still wants a moment to stop. 

Minhyuk allows it, but makes them reach the tide pools first, where they can cower in a cave and hide away from the already empty beach.

“See, isn’t this so much better than sitting on the sand.”

Kihyun looks down to the rocks, crevices filled with water and sea creatures, as he takes his seat. The rock is pointy, stabs into his palms. He wants to argue that no this is not better so he tells Minhyuk those very reasons why he would much rather be on the soft sand. 

Minhyuk only laughs at his misery. He scowls back, but it drops from his face as he overlooks the largest pool in the cavern. They aren’t covered overhead, so the moon reflects against the water making it shimmer like the finest diamonds on display.

The sight leaves him speechless. In all his travels, he wonders if he’s seen something so bright, so beautiful. For a moment he remembers Minhyuk from the first night they met, his smile bright and reflecting in the lights of the bar. 

Minhyuk plants himself right on the rock next to Kihyun, lays his head on the space above his shoulder. He doesn’t get to enjoy the comfort for long.

“Let’s go back down to the water.”

Minhyuk pulls Kihyun from his seat even though the rocks are where he wanted to be in the first place. They walk down to where the water touches their toes as it pulls in from the tide.

Minhyuk shivers after it splashes above his ankle, so he runs from first, leaving Kihyun to stay for a few extra moments. 

The moon so brightly contrasts the dark sky, it takes all of his focus. Such a sight isn’t something he ever saw back in his hometown. The past year, he did less traveling abroad and focused more on commercial work. 

When he thinks about where he’s at, how he got there, even about all the time that’s passed, he still can’t believe he actually left.

“What do you think?”

“It’s breathtaking.”

“Is that all?”

“It’s cold..” he remembers. Even if Minhyuk won’t admit to it, he shakes every once and awhile.

“I know what the weather is like.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“You had a look in your eye right now. Being in nature gets you to think about the deep stuff sometimes. It’s why people wander into forests.”

Maybe that’s why his walks by himself never helped. He had traveled the city, where there was no calm, quiet atmosphere to fall under the spell of. Tourists rustled by more than anything, even he being one of them contributed.

“I was just thinking about how I got here.”

“What about it?”

He hesitates for a moment, whether or not he wants to be completely honest. They’ve spent so much time together, maybe it wouldn’t feel like venting to a complete stranger. To say it all explicitly rather than keeping it vague.

It could be the first time he’s honest because he wants to be. Not because of a lack of sobriety.

With one last glance over the ocean, he steps out of the water. The hair sticks to his legs, he feels the sand stick to the soles of his feet. He sits onto the white sand next to Minhyuk. It takes him a second to speak, letting the night settle over them before he disturbs it.

“I hated everything,” he starts. Minhyuk’s eyes widen the slightest. “The world started to look bleak. I met so many new people everyday as a photographer. They all said something different about their lives, but at the same time they were all saying the same thing. I was the one whose story was different.”

He looks over to see if the man is following along. Minhyuk nods, let’s him continue.

“They were all doing things with their lives, going out, spending time with people, enjoying every second. But I wasn’t doing that. I did everything because it’s what I had to do.”

Even with his closest friends standing by his side in the workplace, he still wasn’t comfortable. They always had their moments where they complained about work, but Kihyun never took the chance to really talk about his worries.

“For the longest time photography was my passion, it’s not like I got into it for no reason. But as soon as I caught attention for it, it turned into everyone else’s expectations. I wasn’t doing anything with it that I wanted.”

It was only recently that he felt his work lacked depth. The pieces were still beautiful despite his doubt, at least that is what everyone told him. But he felt the emptiness.

“Maybe I was too hasty. I couldn’t stand hearing more about what I was doing and how I had to do it. So I left. It’s the first time I haven’t thought something through.”

“Do you regret it? Leaving. Being here?”

When he looks up, Minhyuk is staring up. His eyes filled with something he hasn’t seen before. He looks nervous, maybe even worried about what could be said next. 

“I don’t.”

Minhyuk’s smile is back, but small. Seeing it lifts a weight off of his own shoulders. Of course he doesn’t regret it, after all look where he’s at now. Look at who he’s with.

“And what about you?”

Minhyuk pauses.

“What about me?”

“We’re out in nature. Have you done anything thinking? What about your life? Is it as mysterious as all the talk of destiny we’ve done.”

He means it to be rhetorical, because he doesn’t expect Minhyuk to answer. Like even if there was an answer, it’s not for Kihyun’s ears. Not yet.

Sometimes he doesn’t even seem real. Minhyuk’s a man without a backstory that appeared from the fog, bringing with him nothing more than a yearning for people to want to understand. He becomes a myth which the common folk spend their lives trying to decipher. Minhyuk wonders, but never gets any specifics.

It’s quiet for a while, Kihyun worried that he overstepped his boundaries like he has when he unintentionally makes remarks about his life. He’s ready to tell him he was teasing, but he doesn’t get the chance to.

“I left Seoul at 17.”

A wave crashes in the background, silencing the rest of the night as a powerful command. As if Kihyun wasn’t already stunned silent.

They’re both 26.

Minhyuk runs his fingers through the sand, eyes focused solely on the grains slipping from his grasp as he lifts them from the ground. Kihyun doesn’t say a word, only follows the trail Minhyuk makes then turns back to the other’s face.

“Everything was wrong. School, family, friends. There was nothing I was doing right. I couldn’t even open a book without hearing some sort of comment being thrown in my face about how I was doing things wrong.”

It’s the first time Minhyuk’s ever gave any details about his life before he started traveling.

“I was on a schedule too, but I think a little bit different. It was never my own, it was my parents’ plan and every time I didn’t meet their expectations, they made sure I knew. It felt like everyone around me was in on it, too.”

The more he speaks, the less his voice stutters. 

“I didn’t even have a hobby to enjoy. I tried art, but had to quit it in place of exams. I had no one to talk to or to hear me out. Any sort of color was ripped away.”

He swipes the last few grains of sand from his hand and pulls his knees to his chest.

“When I left I didn’t go far, just out of the city. As bad as it sounds I took money from my parents. Used it to make more. But even then I worked part time to make extra.”

His face turns fully down, so he’s looking at his lap. Kihyun can’t see his eyes, but he has an idea of how dejected they must be. Misery drips in every word.

“Maybe I should have gone home. Maybe I should have accepted the rules. Maybe if I had stayed I would have found something,” he shakes. Kihyun hasn’t seen him so vulnerable. “I don’t even know if they tried to look for me.”

Kihyun slides his hand over Minhyuk’s shoulder to his center back, slowly easing on as not to scare him away. It works when he doesn’t flinch. He rubs in slow circles, his hand has even warmed up despite the brisk air. Minhyuk scoots in closer.

“You left for your own sake, never forget that.”

“And what has it gotten me? I don’t even know what I’m looking for.”

Their problem is the same and it’s a shame there’s no objective answer. They string along looking for what they think is right. Even in all the fun he’s had with Minhyuk, he’s questioned what he should be looking for.

He sifts through, trying to answer what has felt the most right in all the time he has been gone from his home. His mind does fall on something. He stops his hand.

“Do you ever think we’re not looking for a place? Or even a passion.”

Minhyuk looks up silently, pout evident on his lips. But Kihyun keeps talking.

“What if, we’re looking for... someone?” He says quieter than anything that has been said tonight. 

The question is speaking generally he tells himself. That he doesn’t need to worry so much about having said it, only a suggestion. But he still feels tense, worried about how he’ll react to the comment.

When he looks up, Minhyuk’s mouth has opened the slightest, no longer turned down. His eyes have actually lightened up, curious rather than heartbroken.

He’s so close. Kihyun doesn’t look away, not like before. He scans over Minhyuk’s face taking in the small details. 

Pretty.

He swallows, feels his adam’s apple bob. His eyes start to close, but he keeps them open long enough to see Minhyuk press forward. 

Kihyun doesn’t shift, but let’s the other meet his lips. His eyes flutter completely shut as they kiss. It’s long and slow, any time they pull away for a breath they immediately pull back. Mihyuk grabs at his shoulders, tugs him in closer while Kihyun reaches to thread his fingers through the back of his white hair.

Minhyuk whimpers when he pulls away completely, just far enough that he can fully see his face again. Minhyuk’s eyes are already starting to glaze, his lips full and sleek with a bit of spit after he runs his tongue over them.

“We should. We should go back inside. It’s getting late.”

Kihyun nods.

“We can clean up in the hotel room.”

They dust off their pants, walk hand in hand the entire way back, fingers slotted together. Everyone short while Minhyuk will squeeze his hand. He’ll answer back by rubbing his thumb over Minhyuk’s outer hand.

They end up running at some point. Minhyuk drops his sandals once, stops and tugs Kihyun back so he can grab them. He laughs at him for nearly falling over, but it wasn’t his fault he argues.

They aren’t in the hotel for more than a minute when Kihyun pushes him into the shower. It’s meant for a single person, but they’re pressed so close it’s the right fit. 

Minhyuk makes the prettiest noises, soft gasps and whines escape him. Kihyun slots his leg in between, putting Minhyuk on his toes as he rubs up and down with his thigh. They go until white streaks land on the tile.

Kihyun hasn’t felt this right in a while, but then again that’s wrong. Talking to Minhyuk, being around him, has never felt wrong. 

Back home, where he spoke daily with clients he cared little for, the conversations held no value, no substance. Here, they talk through their thoughts. They pick apart their lives, hopes, and fears. Something he wasn’t comfortable doing before. Or at least, didn’t know how to do it.

They finish their showers, take turns drying one another’s hair. Kihyun drops the towels to the desk and pushes Minhyuk back on the bed, towering over.

“Is this okay?” he asks before getting ahead of himself, even if Minhyuk has laid himself out comfortable.

He nods, excitedly wraps his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders to drag him down and put his mouth on his neck.

He licks, bites, sucks until Kihyun whines and slots their mouths together once more. It’s rushed on both parts, each eager. He knows he hasn’t partaken in anything like this in awhile, he’s unsure if it’s the same for Minhyuk. 

They grind, Kihyun starts with a firm grip on Minhyuk, pressing a few spots until he squirms and starts to rut up. Feeling the strain of himself, he holds them both together for a new friction.

They finish within a few moments of each other. Breathes mesh together hot, until Kihyun falls to the side to avoid crushing the other.

The moonlight seeps through the blinds making Minhyuk glow. His hair is so bright, his eyes sparkle along with his teeth, exposed from the smile that refuses to leave his face.

Kihyun likes it. Likes it all a lot. 

“You never told me,” he starts between breaths. “Whether or not your theory panned you.”

“Theory?”

“The second time we met. I wanted to walk you to the train station, but you left me alone in the bar. What do you think?”

Then he gets it.

“How could it not be?”

Kihyun’s heart swells with the thought that maybe there is some sort of magic in the world. 

“Not just a coincidence then?”

“Would sure be a lot of coincidences, don’t you think?”

He wants to sleep, already blissed out as the hour near 3 in the morning, but a new thought picks at the back of his mind. Minhyuk’s satisfied, he’s esatic. They’re there because of a chance, and he needs to take another.

“Come with me. Back to Seoul.”

Minhyuk pauses, smile slipping off.

“What?”

“What I said when we were on the beach. What if we’re not looking for a place? You’ve been to more than you count and you don’t have it yet. A place is good, and it’s not wrong that we thought that’s what we were looking for, because I did, but maybe that’s not it.”

Minhyuk’s taken him to sit in a parking lot, heaven knows why, and made it into a night where they sat comfortably close and just talked for hours. He can turn nothing into the most amazing experiences he has ever had.

“This has all been so amazing, but not because of the place, I think I realized that tonight. It’s you. Making this all worth it, but I don’t think I want to be on the move forever.”

Minhyuk just keeps staring at him, unmoving, barely even blinking. His worry builds from the lack of response, that maybe he was too forward. Maybe Minhyuk wasn’t ready for this conversation. Maybe he’s over thought their entire relationship.

“I. You want to go home?”

“I do. And I want you to come with me,” he restates instead of retracting. “Don’t you think that maybe being with the right person, things can be different. I’m not saying you need to go back to what you left behind, I’m saying you can find something new.”

The silence drags on longer than he had hoped, but he can’t find the words to reason further. 

“I’ve never thought about going home.”

“You don’t need to go home. Not if you don’t want to. You left for a reason and I don’t think you need to see that decision as a mistake.”

“Let me think about it,” Minhyuk smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Kihyun avoids pointing it out and settles, believing he will genuinely consider the offer.

“You can sleep on it,” he agrees, no matter how his stomach bubbles with fear.

“Let’s get to bed then.”

Minhyuk pecks him. Kihyun kisses him back for a few seconds longer.

When he wakes up, the bed is empty.

-

Kihyun doesn’t go out the next day, or the day after. He sits in the hotel, stares at the window, even refuses to plug in his phone. Maybe he’s overreacting, but the world somehow collapsed in on himself once more. 

He knows Minhyuk wasn’t obligated to go with him, make him happy, or even give him a second of his time, he just didn’t think it would end like that. Rejection would have hurt, but at least it would have been face to face.

True to his previous words, he left without saying a thing.

Staying abroad, no longer appeals to him. He knows for sure what he’s looking for isn’t there. For all he knows, that person is on a plane or train to the next country once again out of reach. 

He needs to leave again, too. This time, there won’t be any coincidences.

So he goes home.

He’s been fired, no surprise, but Hyunwoo and Hyungwon saved all of his things before they were thrown out of the office. He appreciates the gesture.

He doesn’t worry about the loss of employment, he still has his work after all. No matter how soul sucking the industry was for him, his pieces still show a part of him.

It took him a bit long to realize that. 

Not once did he lose his interest in photography. He simply realized he needs to rework how he does it.

Giving himself another blank slate, he wants to find out how to make the work his own. How to make it enjoyable.

On more than one occasion he wants to rip his hair out.

He fixes himself a drink and when he can’t stand it alone, he goes out. 

-

“You were gone for over two months,” Hyunwoo says as if he already didn’t know. The days dragged out in the beginning, but then they went all too fast.

“We missed you a lot. I don’t think we realized how dead it was without you.”

“Really?”

He almost doesn’t expect the admission from Hyungwon, but the easily spaced out man is sweeter than most people give him credit for. He just needs to be comfortable for people to truly engage with him.

“Hyungwon whined almost everyday not knowing how you were. You didn’t answer any of our calls.”

Which earns Hyunwoo an elbow to the stomach. 

“That’s not true.”

“You’re right. It was worse. He was ready to call missing persons.”

He can’t tell if Hyunwoo is exaggerating or not, but he smiles nonetheless.

“I sent you guys something when I landed.”

“But nothing after,” Hyungwon cuts in.

“Only then did he calm down. For an hour.”

“You just walked out of work, leaving the boss shouting, then didn’t answer anything for hours. The next thing we know you’re out of the country. What was I supposed to think?”

He thinks it’s funny how it can all be summarized in a few sentences. His dramatic leave all compressed into a few, simple words.

“How’d it go by the way? If you want to share.”

This time around, he doesn’t want to hide behind his words. 

“I don’t regret a second of it,” he says honestly. He was hurt, sure, but he’s been hurt before and probably will be again. “I think, no, I know I needed it. I was never going to realize there was a problem if I didn’t get away from it.”

“Are you sad about your job then?”

He stops staring holes into the table.

“What?”

“You seem sad,” Hyunwoo says. Somehow he’s more perceptive than Kihyun remembers. But then again, Hyungwon and him are the types to share silent conversations. It’s not that much of a surprise then that he would need to know how to read the air.

“After all I experienced, there was something I couldn’t bring back with me,” he admits. “Something that’s not here and that’s not going to be there even if I try to go back now. I guess I’m still thinking about it.”

The couple gives him a sympathetic look, but he doesn’t need it. The faster he gets over it all the better. They share another look between themselves, probably debating on whether or not to pry. Maybe he’ll let them. After a few more drinks. 

“Do you think it would have been better if you hadn’t seen it at all,” Hyungwon asks.

Something else could have resparked the light in his life, maybe. He thought about it, but couldn’t think of an answer of what it could have been. He just doesn’t know.

“Maybe. But, that doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t turn back the clock even if I could.”

You don’t bring your spiritual awakenings with you. You take what you learned and apply it then on. The time they spent together was all they had, and that’s where it’ll stay.

“What was it?”

He stays quiet. 

“Or who?”

“Kihyun.”

The three whip their heads to the end of the round table. 

The drinks must have hit him harder than he realizes.

The last thing he ever could possibly see in his favorite hidden bar, three blocks from his apartment is Minhyuk. As much as he stares, the image never goes away. He’s still close, twiddling with his fingers. His hair is blue now, he sees, and the slightest bit trimmed so his bangs are on his eyebrows instead of in his face.

“Can we talk?”

His chest tightens. A feeling of bile builds in his throat, but he keeps it down instead letting the nerves take over to avoid getting entirely sick. If it’s a dream, it’s all too realistic. His eyes never leave, feeling that if he looks away everything will disappear once again.

Hyunwoo tugs on Hyungwon’s sleeve, slipping them out of the booth, even if the younger looks like he almost wants to stay. Minhyuk nods his head to the space on Kihyun’s side, wordlessly asking to sit for once rather than taking. It takes him a moment to nod once.

Minhyuk doesn’t start, he does.

“What are you doing here?”

Just like himself before, Minhyuk doesn’t answer straight away. He needs to address other stuff surrounding it, work his way back to the point.

“The morning I left, I didn’t know where to go. I ended up back in the city where we met. Sat in the same bar stool, wondering if I ever did find an answer.”

He’s patient, trusting Minhyuk not to leave him hanging. He’ll answer soon enough as he collects his thoughts.

“I revisited almost all of the places we went together. None of them felt the same.”

“How so?”

“You were right. They only mattered when you were there with me. I was so used to not having an answer, that I was just going to keep going. Felt weird finally being comfortable with something. Going back felt emptier than it had when I was first all alone.”

“How’d you end up here?”

He still doesn’t know how they keep finding each other. Maybe he thought it was fate, maybe Minhyuk thought it was too. For a single moment on the bed of their shared hotel room.

“This is the first time I can’t say it’s coincidence, because this time you told me you were going home. But this actually is the first bar I ended up at,” he smiles, somehow there’s still some magic to it. He had taken a guess, only for them to find each other. “It always me finding you after one of us leaves. I want this to be the last time.”

Kihyun doesn’t want to be hopeful, because the words could mean something other than he thinks. But Minhyuk puts his hand over Kihyun’s.

“I want to stay in Seoul. With you. If I’m not too late.”

He doesn’t think his heart has ever clenched before. In fact, he’s positive, because he would have never forgotten such a wrenching feeling. A squeeze on his heart, buzzing in his ears.

Just like that, each time they’ve met, somehow it all fits. Now that he’s in a place he wants to be, he gives in.

“Lee Minhyuk,” he laces their fingers, making the other nearly gasp until he covers it with a cough. “Are you asking me on a date?”

He smiles as soon as he says it, curling his own shoulders up from the embarrassment. A syrupy warmth fills through his body, he’s excited and curious all at once to where they will go. Minhyuk doesn’t let him worm away either, he keeps the hold on his hands and seats himself as close as he can, brushing their legs together.

“Will you let me pay for it, Yoo Kihyun?”

“If you let me get it next time.”

**Author's Note:**

> here i am with my first completed mx fic thats not changki i was nervous to write it but had a lot of fun!!
> 
> This was not beta read but I will fix any spelling mistakes later oop
> 
> also no i did not name the country they went because i have no idea where they went im not creative
> 
> Find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/imwhatistan)


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